


...isn't it?

by crystal-peridot (captaintomysky)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 18:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7725760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captaintomysky/pseuds/crystal-peridot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>why can't i move on?</i>
</p><p>Pearl learns recovery isn't as simple as it's made out to be.</p><p>A series of related short stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...isn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> (5/14) I haven't abandoned this! This fic is a lot more demanding to write than other fics, because so much of the meaning is symbolic. I have about six drafts of the next chapter right now, and I'm also working on the one after that. If I ever stop working on this fic, I'll delete it.

"Almost there," Rose said, pulled Pearl through grass that grazed against her ankles, through an ocean of rolling hills. Some part of her knew that the speck of pink on the horizon was their destination, but they never seemed to get any closer.

"Almost there," Rose repeated; she was vivid, unwavering, light. Pearl realized she would be content to follow Rose like this forever--the edges of her were sharper, her colors brighter than anything in Pearl's frame of vision. She could not look away.

"Almost there."

"Almost there."

"Almost there."

 

"Isn't it beautiful?" Rose asked. And Pearl realized they were beneath their tree. 

"Yes." And it was--she could feel the petals brushing against her, and here was the scent of flowers that always reminded her (irrationally) of the taste of Rose's mouth.

"We'll probably lose this war," Rose said, beginning a conversation Pearl seemed to have heard a thousand times, one she could feel happening around her all at once. 

"That doesn't matter. We have to try." Her voice echoed.

"I don't want anything to happen to you. You don't understand how scary it is for me to watch you jump in front of me, to imagine you shattered for my sake."

"I can't imagine losing you either." There was pain somewhere here, but Pearl couldn't remember why. She couldn't bring herself to say the other thing, the one that upset Rose so much:  _You're so much more important to the war than I am._ But a whisper of it hung in the air around them, and the ghost of a frown graced Rose's face.

"I love you," Pearl whispered. She wanted to stitch the damage closed, but the declaration only seemed to deepen Rose's discomfort. Pearl wanted to reach out to her, but she was afraid now of making it worse, and disgusted with herself for what she'd already done.

"Please don't make me lose you." Rose's voice was small and breakable. "Please."

Pearl took a tiny step forward. "I'll try." She extended a hand. "And if I fail, at least we'll be together in the end."

Rose brightened, took her hand--this was new--and spun Pearl close. "Together until the end," she repeated. Pearl felt Rose lean down, curls brushing her shoulders. Rose's mouth soft on her gem sent sparks through her, warmed her to her core. The feeling was so wonderful she couldn't immediately place it, but after relaxing into Rose's embrace, the words came to her:  _Complete. I am complete._

"I'm sorry." Though Rose was close as could be, her words seemed to come from far away.

Pearl wanted to ask  _for what?_ , but before she could form the words, the world around her began to fade.

 

She heard the gentle rush of water, felt it pull at the ends of her hair. She reached out with her mind to grasp at the petals, at Rose, but it was too late--the vision was slipping away from her, the tree lost, gone forever. 

She opened her eyes. The sounds and colors of her room did little to ease her sense of loss, almost sickened her. One of her swords was next to her. Slowly, as if coming through fog, she remembered sadness overtaking her, she remembered setting the sword aside and laying down atop her column of water. She sat up and looked around. She did not remember falling asleep, but she must have.

Pearl ached with something unfinished, stuck inside Rose's  _almost there_ , pulling her eternally toward some unfathomable truth. She could feel the words pulsing inside of her like a heartbeat. 

And Rose's presence was keener than it had been since the night she--

And Pearl cried.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series of related short stories from Pearl's perspective, past and present, focused on processing loss. Each story is planned.
> 
> You can reblog this chapter on Tumblr [here](http://crystal-peridot.tumblr.com/post/148708737099/isnt-it-prologue).


End file.
